How West influenced ME. Life after US, as I call it, does sound like life after dead. To me basically it is the same. This life is after the person that was for atleast 21 years died. Read through to know why I put it that way. India is known for its culture and by culture I am not saying that little things that make you a Hindu woman i.e. dressing up in Indian attire. Culture as I see it is in people's minds and not the outer appearance. Sometime people tend to think that being conservative is following culture but to me they are nothing but a bunch of fools. Culture is a very broad term and how much ever I try I cannot come close to understanding the ocean within the word itself.
Although the ambience in my house was not culturally strict but we three kids turned out to be very culturally civilized. And from such a place, I came to a place which was once every Indian's paradise the so called "USA". So I flew all the way crossing probably some of the oceans, that I studied in my 5th grade, to get a masters degree that will help me feel complete. Education, as I understood later, was not about getting degrees but it was about personal development and the attitude towards life. I am really thankful for my parents who have always yelled at me for not being top in the class, this attitude of theirs helped me stand here on my own legs earning my own bucks and also helped me to proudly say I was raised right.
Coming to the paradise, felt like being paradise literally. The huge buildings, the speed, the huge and clean roads fascinated me. But the life that was hidden behind these huge roads is what came to unfold before me. Life becomes a straight road with several exits leading to your destined destination. Sounds redundant, but that is infact true. Destiny plays a big role and you come to understand its terms within no term because on this land you are all by yourself. The pain you go through settle down in a strange country is something probably you cannot share with your companion. Perhaps it would help if you hear that every one of us went through the embarrassing moments to figure out a lot of stuff, though not worth mentioning.
Someone once asked me if I can say "NO", back then I didn't know how to say "NO" now all you can hear is a "NO" unless it is a close friend whom I trust. A close friend of mine asked me to be selfish when I said I was going to US for higher education. Back then I did not know how to be selfish and now unknowingly I turned selfish in many manners. I think of me and my husband. Life taught me beautiful experiences, as I recall. I adored every time I changed myself due to the circumstances I was in and sometimes it is my learnt lessons that people are materialistic when it comes to living in US. I have worked real hard to get here but all people care is what I am now and why I am now and nobody cares my path to being here. I never would want to forget my way back to where I am from. I could with at most difficulty preserve a little bit of me back from India where we had selfless friends and nobody cared where they come from. That youth as I describe is uninfluenced by west.
Though I have lost me in trying to make my way through the competition to settle down professionally and personally on the so called land of opportunities, but still I strive hard to search for at least one small quality that is buried somewhere inside of me. Every person has a good and bad nature. All this while I was trying to adhere to my good nature but there is a break point to everyone. We hit that milestone pretty easily in US and in our reverse attack we loose the culture and civilization.
Would I have been a better person? I should say if the world is how it is now then I would say that I wouldn't be any better. If this is part of growing up then loosing oneself is nothing but growing up. I am a whole new person now but a small wish buried in me says that there is Euphoria and it is yet to come.
